oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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