next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
