if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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