dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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