can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
