I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
