im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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