Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
