Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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