i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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