Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
