in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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