She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize