I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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