College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
