But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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