this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please come you make the beer taste better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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