i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
