Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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