These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
