I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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