He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
