just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
