If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
