Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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