Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
