tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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