Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
