Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
