it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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