Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
