Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
