Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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