I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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