You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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