Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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