just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
