So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
