I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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