I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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