Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
