I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
