I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
