So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i need some magic done to my vagina
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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