I think I won the penis lottery.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
