I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
