This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
