So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
