I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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