If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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