I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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