Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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