How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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