Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
