Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
