She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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