So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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