He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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