You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
