so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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