i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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