She's JV to your varsity
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Small penises have feelings too.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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