I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
