I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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