I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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