Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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