Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
