WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
