Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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