FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
