forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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