You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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