Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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