cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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