So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
