im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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