I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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