At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
