If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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